According to every retail outlet in the universe and the half a dozen or so tons of junk mail, it seems the Christmas season is upon us.
While I have made an attempt, in the asking of Christmas wishes from loved ones, I do not feel the slightest bit of spirit settling upon my person. Strange because all the other happy season thoughts are with me. Such as making straight for the chemist when entering a shopping centre lately, to purchase ear plugs, thus dulling the sound of brain destroying plastic Christmas carols muzac, and the din of a thousand bored teenagers, whine of children in pre-Christmas anticipation psychosis, and screaming and leaking from every orifice in their head, babies.
Something did catch my attention this year as it has in other years, but previously I had thought it was a misguided whim of a yuppy from the ordering department. Black Christmas trees. Which gray matter challenged, not quite evolved, numb nut came up with that idea? Now this year there is black tinsel and decorations to go with it. I am sure by next year someone will have worked out that black lights are missing here and they shall be added to the collection. Emos and Goths all over the world must feel such joy at the thought. That is of course if they could feel joy because um, you know, Emo and Goth.
Maybe that is my problem, Christmas has come under the attention of the fashion police. I would like to personally thank every God/Deity in the known universe at this point for the absence of beige being added to the Christmas ‘vibe’. I truly believe having my person inflicted with beige being added to the Christmas festivities would have me reaching for a large axe, no matter how much medication I was given. Alas I have no doubt some bizarrely dressed and slightly mentally challenged fashion guru will sooner or later announce beige is the new green and red for the season. Of course all bogans and those without any kind of original thought types will follow on mass, incorporating the gathering of new Christmas decorations with their purchases of dodgy, hideous, large plastic Buddha presents for other like minded family members. My considering taking up the Jewish faith will at this point will go straight to the top of the ‘to do’ list.
Maybe I should go and sit on one of the hundred or so rather surly looking Santa’s knees and have a little heart to heart. Take a couple of dozen cans of Jack’s for us to sip on and we can both be at the very least too pissed to give a shit about not caring.
