In our modern world, with the wave of the doctor’s pen you can subject your body to all manner of chemical miracles in the quest for good health. Well that is the hope anyway.
Once upon a fairy tale I too simply bowed to the wisdom of the health boffin and merrily threw what ever I was told to straight down my throat. Then the advancing years and a body easily distracted now means I pay very close attention to the little list of side effects. Even though it is nothing new for me to go against the grain and end up with what is known as a paradoxical reaction to drugs.
That means while the local legalised drug dealer is merrily plastering stickers announcing the potential near coma like status I may achieve with my box of goodies, I will then proceed directly to bouncing off the ceiling for the next six hours or so.
Seriously, I live for reading these little predictions of doom. So for simply my own amusement I have listed below some of the more common side effects and their real meaning.
- ‘May cause drowsiness.’
(Clear your calendar for the next six hours to a week.)
- ‘May cause blurred vision.’
(If you’re lucky, you will be able to tell night from day.)
- 'May cause lightheadedness.’
(Hope you like feeling stoned off your tits.)
- ‘May cause a dry mouth.’
(And you thought hangover mouth was bad.)
- ‘Sweating or hot flushes.’
(So this is what spontaneous combustion feels like.)
- ‘Increased appetite.’
(Remember. You love your children and pets.)
- ‘Feeling unrest or anxiety.’
(A flea can fart in Peru and you will go through the roof.)
- ‘Some shakiness or trembling.’
(Now IS NOT the time to touch ANYTHING.)
- ‘Nausea’
(And you thought the projectile pea soup vomit in Exorcist was impressive.)
- ‘Headache.’
(You will wonder just how much pressure your brain can take before your skull finally explodes.)
- 'Reduced sexual desire.’
(Who are you and what are you doing in my bed?)
- ‘Increased sensitivity to the sun.’
(Well, now you know how a vampire feels. Minus the fairy dust.)
